"I like to socialize with people who are measured."

/June 2022

there is a saying on the Internet:

"those who have the top charm have the right sense of proportion."

everyone likes to socialize and work with measured people.

people with a sense of proportion always make people feel like a spring breeze and feel happy.


A woman happily took four ancient paintings she had bought from abroad, claiming that each painting was a priceless masterpiece, and asked Huang Junbi to identify the authenticity.

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before looking at the paintings, Huang Junbi asked the woman, "have you bought all these paintings?"

the woman told him proudly that it took a lot of money to get back a few national treasures from abroad.

during the conversation, the woman ordered her attendants to unfold the four paintings one by one.

halfway through the exhibition of the first painting, Huang Junbi frowned, fake.

the slow unfolding of the second painting is still a fake.

the third painting, Huang Junbi stared for a while and said meaningfully:

the fourth painting was only exhibited at 2/3, and Master Huang clapped his hands and applauded: "this one looks good and is worth appreciating!"

when the woman heard this, she could not hide her loss. On second thought, she thought that two pairs might be authentic, and she was happy to open her face again.

looking at the figure of the woman getting up and leaving, Huang Junbi sighed heavily: "wronged, spent so much money, all four paintings are fake."

Liu Yong was puzzled: "since they are all fake paintings, why didn't you say so just now?"

Huang Junbi said something that impressed Liu Yong.

he said:

"she is so confident in her own eyes, and she has spent so much money, and in front of so many of her entourage, can I say it's a fake? Remind her later on.

money is a small thing for her, but it hurts her face, but it's a big deal.

she has already bought those paintings, whether they are true or not, it is a foregone conclusion. If she breaks them in person, it will not only embarrass her, but also hurt her feelings. "

words are the voice of the heart, the heart is always filled with other people, do not embarrass people, this is self-cultivation.

the measure of speaking is the yardstick of being a man.

to see through and not to tell is respect for others and wisdom in dealing with others.

say, it is a kind of ability; not to say, it is a kind of wisdom.

the highest level of self-cultivation is to be able to restrain the desire of one's own tongue and not to expose scars.

A really smart person knows not to talk about others and not to reveal their shortcomings.

people who speak without restraint tend to end up living on an island.


leave room for doing things, never do things

there is a saying in Zhu Zi's Family motto:

the words are not full, things are not done, they are at ease with themselves and with others.

Life is an echo. Whatever cause you plant, you will get what you will get.

there are many agreeable characters in A Dream of Red Mansions, but I prefer Pinger best.

Pinger is Wang Xifeng's confidant servant girl, but she is different from her master in temperament and handling things.

Wang Xifeng acts fiercely, but Ping'er is good-natured and kind-hearted.

Pinger never uses power to bully others, has compassion, and sympathizes with her slaves of similar or lower status.

in the Poria cocos frost and rose dew incident, she advised Sister Feng to "let go when you have to let go", so that the Liu mother and daughter avoided a disaster.

when Sister you died, Wang Xifeng pleaded that she had no money for the funeral and that Pinger stole 220 bits of silver and delivered it to Jia Lian to cope with the situation.

Pinger always leaves room for himself to deal with the world.

Sister Feng is not as vicious as "I am the only one in my heart, and there is no one else", let alone do things like Sister Feng.

as the saying goes, when a man is good, good fortune is not good, but evil is far away.

after Sister Feng died, the Grand View Garden was in complete decline, but Pinger received many times of help from others to tide over the difficulties and was finally rewarded.

leave leeway in doing things, and be responsible for being kind and abstaining from saying all things.

in the office of a rich man, there is a couplet:

make a good wish, tie the knot, enjoy the lower and equal happiness;

choose a high place, sit flat, and walk to a wide place.

the upper couplet means that people should be broad-minded, only seek moderate fate, and live the life of ordinary people.

the next couplet is to say that we should be far-sighted in looking at problems, keep a low profile and leave room for doing things.

this couplet was written by Zuo Zongtang, who liked it so much that he hung it in his office to warn himself.

give people a leeway to do things, their own road will be wider and wider, in order to go further.

Nietzsche once said:

leaving room for doing things is not only a measure, but also a kind of wisdom.


the relationship does not cross the line

there is a question on the Internet: at what moment do you think you can no longer be friends with a friend?

A netizen told such a story.

when she was in college, she had a very good relationship with a roommate, and they hit it off when they went shopping and gossiped together.

near graduation, the two were invited to join a group of seniors in the industry.

when chatting, the seniors asked her about her plans for the future, because she attached great importance to this dinner and thought it over and over again.

when she was about to answer seriously, her roommate was the first to say:

everyone looked up and laughed, but she blushed and couldn't laugh.

she wanted to behave well and maybe get a job offer, but she was taken as a joke by her roommate.I said it.

after this happened a few more times, she gradually drifted away from her friend.

I like the passage of the writer Emerson:

"when you joke with others, you must master the sense of division."

appropriate humorous jokes, like seasonings in rice, can make our lives more relaxed and enjoyable.

however, excessive or inappropriate seasoning can spoil a good meal. "

there is a ruler to speak, a degree to play, and a sense of propriety, and maturity does not exceed the moment.

A relationship, no matter how good it is, should not be tried again and again at the bottom line.

Sanmao once said, "No matter how close a friend is, you can't miss the line."

when Sanmao moved to the Sahara Desert, he had a good personal relationship with his neighbors, the best of which was Guka, who lived next door.

but Guka always steals things from Sanmao's family without being known.

once, Guka took Sanmao's high heels to her sister to wear without authorization, and when she returned them the next day, the shoes had become shabby.

Sanmao couldn't help losing his temper at her, so they were very unhappy.

so, if you want to maintain a good relationship, a sense of size is very important.

No matter how familiar you are with the people around you, you should be careful not to overdraw the relationship with each other.

there is a good saying:

keeping a sense of boundaries and not reaching out to other people's lives is the best way to maintain a relationship.

it is the respect for others and the embodiment of a person's self-cultivation that he or she does not go beyond the rules when he is well-versed.


Meng Fei once said:

moderate people are highly cultured people, and it makes people feel comfortable to associate with them.

they behave appropriately and speak appropriately, and they will hold their boundaries properly and leave appropriate space for others.

in the relationship of affection, love or friendship, discretion is very important, and we should not abandon it just because of a good relationship.

those who should be respected should respect and restrain themselves when they should exercise restraint.

words are not full, things are not done, to be able to speak appropriately is to speak level, and to leave leeway is to stay in heaven and earth.

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